You're completely useless in the revolution.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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