When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My feet surprised me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
