Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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