so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
