Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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