you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
