I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
