Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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