can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
