i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
