I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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