does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
birth control should be required to get into college
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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