Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
