She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
