You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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