College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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