at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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