JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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