So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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