Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
