Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
