I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
