it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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