vagina is talking i cant
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
