OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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