member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
