So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
