It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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