Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
