You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize