dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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