I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
