We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
