Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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