The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
