I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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