The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
