the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
