you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
