He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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