Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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