I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
