I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
