We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
