Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
