goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize