I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
