Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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