Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
