you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
