Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
