i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
