so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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