I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
