Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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