Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
