people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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