You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
