WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
