I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
