I heard we made out
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
