Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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