Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
