Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
