Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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