The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
