Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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