So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
