he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize