So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
