That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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