dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
