Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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