God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
