you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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