pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
