What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
