Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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