Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
