her vagine was all disorganized.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
