I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize