Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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