he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
