I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
