Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
