Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
