You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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