Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
