Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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