i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
