"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize