Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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