my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
