conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
