I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
