Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
