My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
