the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
