i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
