I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
