I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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