Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
