Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize